Weekly Weigh In #19: A Week of Thoughts

I miss having time to write.  Life is so busy with work, the holidays, and family... I haven't had the time to really sit down and share some of the ridiculous thoughts I have, every single day, about this process.  So, here's a bunch of random thoughts I've had over the past week.


First things first: this week, I weighed in.
Weight:  215
Pounds lost: 2 lbs.
Total lost: 57 lbs.


I was beyond happy to have lost 2 lbs. this week.  I can actually feel myself getting smaller and inching toward being under 200 lbs, which is my next big milestone. 

Earlier this week, my back became really strained and spasmed to the point where I couldn't stand up so nice.  I've never had lower back pain like that before, but my sweet husband has - he was full of advice on how to manage it and get it out of my bod, which I happily followed.  But here's the crazy thing - the painful feeling of standing up for the first time in the morning, the aggravating way I couldn't straighten up, and the difficulty I had pushing myself up off the couch were all things I remember feeling ALL THE TIME when I was fatter.  Who knew that straining my back would remind me what it was like to be 57 lbs. heavier?!  The body is an amazing thing... truly.  

This week, I was getting dressed for work, and found one of my shirts to be not only too big, but unflatteringly long. It's a nice shirt, and I've only worn it twice, so I'm not ready to put it in the pile of clothes that's too big. So, I tucked it in, put on a sweater, and poof - outfit done. This is a BIG deal because I TUCKED IN MY SHIRT. Haven't done that in more than a decade.


Most of my fat-to-thin triumphs are like the tucked in shirt... I'm the only one who knows.  Things like undies that are too big, pants being held up with a belt that you put extra holes in yourself, and a wedding band that is twirling around on my finger because it's already too big again. I love all these little bits of evidence that I'm making real progress, even if I don't tell everyone about them, every day.


Last Friday, I went on a very long hike through the woods around the museum. I was with three guys I deeply respect and enjoy hanging out with, and we were doing some important work - it was super pleasant - cool and sunny - and in all, we covered every trail on the 120 acres of land around our beautiful new building. I'm betting we walked 5 miles. I am positive that I would never have been able to do that 57 pounds ago. One of the guys is tall and has a long stride, and I often had trouble keeping up with him in the past... not this time. I was right there, every bit of the way. Afterwards, I felt a bit tired, and my legs were sore - but so were theirs. Amazing. 


Got a pedicure last week. When I was at my heaviest, I'd sit in the chair, hips touching the armrests, and legs stretched out but not quite straight. My feet would roll to the outside since my thighs were so large. This time, I hopped into the chair, hips nowhere near the armrests, and toes straight ahead. It still tickles when they do the scrubby thing on the bottom of my feet, but now, I'm basically a regular person in the chair- not the fat girl who can't reach her own feet.


At work, we park pretty far away from the entry door. It's about a mile walk from my office to my car, through the woods. There is a shuttle most days to move people more quickly, in the rain, or in the extreme cold... and I have used the shuttle when necessary. However, I have found myself on more than one occasion bundling up in my coat, putting my bag across my body (never could do THAT before, by the way) and breezing past the people waiting for the shuttle as I walk to my car. I love the bit of exercise at the beginning and end of the day, love the quiet of the woods, and love the time to think and transition from work mode to home mode. I love the walk. Fat Niki would not have loved the walk.


Lastly, we sent Christmas cards to some friends and family members, containing photos of our happy little Stewart Clan. One photo is from our wedding - 57 lbs. ago. A friend got the card, and said to me, "I love the card, but who is that woman?" That woman, in fact, is gone. She's never coming back.