Timing is Everything

Someone recently said to me:  "I can't believe, with how busy you are and how much stress you must have in your life, that you're trying to lose weight.  I just can't imagine it."  


This very kind person, who knows that my life is currently a never-ending to-do-list, both at work and at home, meant it in a complimentary fashion, I know.  So, I smiled and said, "yeah, I know..." and walked on.




In truth, I had a lot more to say, but my busy life prevented me from doing so.  I also didn't want to be rude, and felt like the things I might say would be taken the wrong way.  But the incident has stayed with me for a few days now - kind of stuck in my craw, if you will - and I think I'm starting to figure out why.


In processing this short conversation, I did a little self-inventory, starting with this question:  "When, in the past 39 years, have I NOT been busy and stressed?"


*crickets*


I'm pretty sure, even as a toddler, I was on the run.  I know I was a busy high-schooler, involved in ninety million extra-curriculuar activities and managing (what felt like) the social life of one of the Real Housewives of Pennsauken.  In college, it was no different, and after college, while working hard to realize my career ambitions, I stayed at mach-speed.  


In fact, the only time I can remember ever sitting still was when I broke my neck at the age of 19.  I was in a halo collar (scaffolding for the body, basically, that's bolted to your skull) for quite some time, and hence, did very little.  (This is also when my metabolism took a vacation, and it still has yet to return.)  During that time, I remember two things:  making a counted cross-stitch sampler for my cousin who was getting married, and buying lots of stuff I didn't need from the Home Shopping Network.  (Clearly, I don't do well with sitting still.)  But once my neck had healed, I was back in the car, going at mach-10, and hardly missing a beat.


With all this in mind, I can honestly say that right now is one of the busiest times in my life... which is probably why my friend asked me the question at hand.  I'm working a lot, and my job is busy and stressful because of our quickly-approaching opening date.  I'm learning to be a mom and a wife, having just gotten married in June.  I'm trying not to lose my painting and drawing practice.  I've got a house to take care of, now filled with people.  And, on top of it all, I'm trying to lose 100 pounds.  


When I write it all out like that, it does sound nuts.


But here's the thing:  there will always be a reason NOT to diet.  There will always be an "out" if I want it.  And oh, how I've used them in the past:


I'm too tired and stressed...  It's the holidays...  I'm trying to adjust to married/divorced  life...  I'm opening a museum... I had a fight with my parents...  They opened a Five Guys in town...  I don't think I'm that fat, really...  Nothing works...  


To all of this I call shenanigans.  


There will ALWAYS be something.  Some holiday, some fight that makes me want to eat a jar of peanut butter, some busy-thing at work that has me stressed, some parenting issue that keeps us up talking late at night.  


There will never be a time where all these things evaporate, and I land in a utopia of perfectness:  a place where people work 8-5 and sleep like babies for 8 hours each night.  Where teenagers make their beds, and take the belts out of their jeans before they do their own laundry.  Where dust bunnies disappear just because I saw them, and healthy meals appear in ovens - perfectly cooked - in 10 minutes.  Where nail polish doesn't chip, checkbooks balance themselves, savings accounts multiply on a monthly basis, and Golden Girls reruns never end.  (Okay, the Hallmark channel is pretty close on that last one.)


This "perfect storm of ideal dieting conditions" doesn't exist.  


In the same way, the idea that becoming thin will magically make all of the misguided parts of my life fall into place is also hooey.  I'll be thinner - yes.  Maybe even a hottie.  I'll surely be healthier and know what not to eat anymore. But I will still need a 401(k), Clorox Wipes, and earplugs to keep my sweet husband's snoring at bay.  I know this.  I have no delusions.  Maybe that's why I've picked this strange, busy time to tackle my fatness... because I've never known any other kind.


In truth, removing the question of "what should I eat?" from my already ridiculously-busy day has been fantastic.  What should I eat?  A shake.  Maybe pudding.  And then I'm done... and back to the grind.  It's probably, in retrospect, the most brilliant thing I could have done.  Not to mention that I'm getting all my nutrition in, which I absolutely could not say before - and might be the reason I feel good nearly all the time, despite my crazy life.


The answer I really wanted to give was this:  


There's no better time for me to do this.  I don't believe in waiting for the perfect moment to do things, like get married, have babies, buy a house, a car, or even, start a life-changing diet.  There is no such thing.  If I sit and wait for the perfect time to start living my life, I'll have wasted my actual life.  And I'm not that girl.


Maybe next time.