Naked

The Three Graces, at the Louvre.  Photograph by my Father.

I've always been very comfortable with nudity.  I don't feel embarrassed by it, and I don't really think it's an issue.  When I see someone in the nude on television or in a movie, it's not a big deal... it's just the human figure.

I believe that this comes from a lifetime of figure drawing classes, where we stared at an undraped model and drew from life, day in and day out, through all of college.  I also think it comes from working in and around the visual arts, particularly museums, where paintings and sculptures of the human form are plentiful - and beautiful.  We know, as art professionals, that the only way for a student to master the form is to draw it from life - it's a course of study that's been around for a very long time, and it works.

Ingres' Odalisque

Not everyone is this comfortable with nudity - including their own.  I've hosted dozens of groups at museums where they respectfully asked us to avoid frontal-nudity works with their young students.  I've seen people I respect become very uncomfortable around someone wearing clothing that's sheer or scant.  Remember Janet Jackson's breast at the Super Bowl?  Have you known people who are uncomfortable with breastfeeding mothers? Not everyone, especially in America, is comfortable with nudity.  I have no judgment of these people - to each his own.  I am simply in the other camp.

I remember being more daring when I was younger, and visiting the nude beach at Playa Linda in Florida with my sweet friend, Shaun (sorry Mom).  I was so nervous - having never done this, I didn't know if I'd have the guts to be naked, too, or I'd wimp out.  As Shaun and I walked up the steps and across the platform that spanned the dunes, we came over the other side and were greeted by an older gentleman who looked like Santa Claus - but naked.  "Good morning!" he bellowed - and we looked at each other with a smile - holy cow!  Santa was naked!  We found our spot, and to my surprise, everyone at the beach wasn't perfect - all body types surrounded us, at all ages.  And by leaving our swimsuits on, we stood out like a black fly on a white ceiling.  Eventually, we found our courage, even if it was only when laying face-down on our blanket.


At home, after bathing, I'm not one to immediately dress.  I am comfortable in the bathroom without my nightgown for a bit, and don't feel terribly awful when I catch my reflection in the mirror.  Now, let's be clear - with other people living in my home, particularly a 14-year old boy, I don't wander around in the buff by any means.  We don't have a "Sex and the City"-esque Charlotte and Harry situation (i.e. naked man on a white couch - gross), but I am comfortable without my clothes, and I know exactly what I look like.

These days, there are only two people who get to see me naked.  My sweet husband, and my massage therapist.  Today, when I went for my massage, my kind and talented masseur said to me, as he worked on my lower back, "your waist is getting smaller!"  I grinned into the face donut, knowing it was true, and loving that he mentioned it.  My sweet husband has also said, more than once as he gently pats my caboose, "there's less here for me to grab."  I love that, too.


But, there's another kind of naked I'm feeling these days - far from Playa Linda.  Writing this blog, and sharing not only my actual weight, but my emotional state leaves me, well, naked.  I can't really hide anything here - or cheat on the diet - because those damn numbers won't lie.  I could sneak a quick snack when nobody's looking, but at weigh-in time, it'll show.  And then, I'll have to explain to you all (and myself) why I didn't lose that week.  And the knowledge of this keeps me honest.  There's something inherently freeing in walking through work with a plastic bottle that holds my shake - it's declaring to everyone, "I'm dieting!  I know I'm fat!  I'm working on it!"  It's the knowledge that I have something to fix and that I see it that leaves me particularly naked these days - to all who know.


In that nakedness, I am finding strength.  Knowing everyone is on my side, hoping I'll do well is particularly helpful for a girl like me - one notorious for starting things and not finishing them.   


I've joked with my friends that if I were thin and fit, I'd run around naked all the time.  Please don't worry - it's not really going to happen.  (For this, you should be thankful.)  But if the day comes where I look fantastic in the buff, you'll know by the smile on my face.