Promises

Before starting this diet, I attended an information session to learn more about the program, and how it will work.  At this meeting, the doctor talked about the physiology behind the program, the reason it works for so many people, and some of the side effects of ketosis (the process of elevating the level of ketones in the body, and using them for energy - the state I am currently in as a person on this diet).  These side effects include being cold all the time (I'm not there yet), having bad breath (hubby keeps handing me mints - bless him!) and possibly losing your hair (also not happening to me yet).  Needless to say, I got nervous.

And then, they showed the before and after images of those who have done well - but they didn't just show the before and after photos - these people were THERE, in the flesh.  Their fat selves on the wall via projection, their thin selves standing there, seemingly unaffected and happy.  They talked about the challenges and the benefits, and smiled at us knowingly, as if to say, "we survived.  You can too."

At that point, the deal was sealed. 

Upon seeing these people, the entire room stood at the end, walked down the hall to the doctor's office, and set up their appointments for pre-diet blood work and doctor's visits, ready to start.

At that meeting, some things were said - they sounded like facts - or even, promises that we could cling to in our upcoming work.  And friends, let me tell you, not all of them are true.

Promise #1:  It's not that hard.

Yes, it is.  This is hard.  Every time I sit down to drink a shake in the proximity of an eater, I hate this diet.  I hate the shake.  I want the food - whatever food the eater is currently conquering - and I hate the shake.  It's especially difficult when the shake is a new flavor that I end up hating, that tastes so foul, I want to throw it into the woods with great force.

If we could be a little more honest, we could rewrite this promise to say: "It'll start out hard, but in time, it does get easier."  I can tell you this version is true.  

Last night, I picked up my sweet stepson at the mall, and as he walked toward the car, I noticed the bag of popcorn he was carrying - sweet, warm, buttery popcorn.  He was enjoying it so much - having just gotten his braces off, this is a pleasure he hasn't had in awhile - and as he climbed into the car, I thought, "oh, dang."  He said, "hi!" with a smile, and I smiled back as we drove away, talking about his friends and what they were up to.  As he munched, I found myself smiling because he was enjoying it SO much...  and then I realized, I wasn't hungry.  I didn't want it, really - I just would have eaten it because it was THERE.  Around this time, he looked at me and said, "is this too smelly?  Is it driving you nuts?"  The honest concern in his eyes and voice was so touching, I only grinned and said, "it's fine, sweetheart.  Enjoy it."  And I meant it.

Promise #2:  You won't miss food that much.

This is absolute bunk.  I miss food every day.  I miss the act of cooking.  I miss the flavors and textures.  I miss the choices.  I miss chewing.  

I also realize that food is EVERYWHERE, constantly trying to get into my tummy:  on television, billboards, in my pantry, in magazines - it's never ending.  Case in point:  driving home last night, we passed a truly magical sight:  a Five Guys Burgers and Fries is opening near us.  This is huge, because I LOVE their food.  The absolute BEST burger of my life.  I am so excited about this restaurant opening, I get giddy at the thought of all those hand cut fries everywhere and peanut shells all over the place - oh, the joy of it!  

But last night, as Max munched on popcorn and I drove by the not-yet-redy Five Guys, I wondered, "when will I get to have that burger?  How long will this part of the diet take?"  I felt sad and kind of lost for a few minutes at the thought of never having another amazing Five Guys burger.

Movies are also out to get me.  This morning, I thought about today's blog, and I felt a bit uninspired.  So, I thought, "I'm going to watch Julie and Julia to get my blog mojo flowing."  That would have been a brilliant idea if it wasn't ALL about food... watching Amy Adams fry up all that butter and hearing Meryl Streep sweetly utter, "bon appetit" seemed simply impossible for a moment.  

And then I thought - I love that story.  I love how cute Julia and Paul Child are portrayed.  I love seeing Paris and New York City.  I love SO much about this film... do I deprive myself of food on the screen, too?  Doesn't that seem awful to do?  

  

Promise #3:  If you follow the plan, it will work.

So far, I have to say, this is true.  Last week, I lost 10 lbs.  I don't know how much I've lost this week, but I do know that I haven't eaten anything except my shakes and puddings.  So, while I feel a bit bloated right now, and I'm not sure if I've lost anything this week, logically I know I must have.

The doctor suggested we buy a scale and keep it at home, stating that frequent weighers maintain their weight much more than those who avoid the numbers.  He said to get a digital scale, so my sweet husband ventured out and got one.  As soon as he got it home, I tore it from the box and popped in a battery, and hopped on.  I couldn't wait to see what it would say!  When I looked down at the number, I was up 2 lbs over my weight last week - WHAT?!  The smile gone, the thoughts  in my head were now horrid:  

WHAT?  Up 2 lbs.?  What the...

Why the hell am I doing this, if it's not working?  

Where's the popcorn!? 

I want to eat everything!

And then I realized, it meant nothing.  I hadn't calibrated the machine.  I moved too fast.  I hadn't done anything wrong.  And I calmed myself.

In truth, I do that a lot. In fact, moving too fast might be part of why I'm overweight.  Maybe if I thought more before I ate, I'd make better choices.  This was a powerful lesson.

Tomorrow, I weigh in, and will then come home and calibrate my scale to match.  I will buy more product and continue.  I will struggle.  It will be hard.  But it will also be week 3, and I may find it is easier still.  And eventually, I will reintroduce food into my life - when it's the right time.

Of all the things people keep promising me about this diet process, I now only believe some of them.  I believe I'll be healthier.  I believe I'll look better.  I believe I'll eventually eat food again - and I believe I'll enjoy it.  But what I've learned already is so much more important that what I believe.  I've learned that you can't ignore your health.  I used to pretty much ignore my body's needs, and writing about those needs now forces me to process those thoughts, and connect them to the bigger picture of my life.  I've learned I'm stronger than I thought, and can make good choices.  And I have learned that the people who love me are going through this, too, and need to be given just as much credit for my success as I will.

So, whether it's popcorn, burgers, or a movie I love, I need to remember that these things are always going to be around, and I am always going to be in control of my reactions to them.  I promise.