Weekly Weigh In #3: Yay and Boo.

I weighed in today.  I lost 2 lbs.  I now weigh 253 and have lost 16 lbs. in total.


Right after my weigh in, I went to a class on emotional eating and food triggers, and while waiting for my class, I texted my sweet husband to share the news.  It went something like this:


"I lost 2 lbs.  Yay and boo."


Because I should have lost more.  And I know why I didn't.







Last week, I had lunch with a colleague, and drank my shake while I had a garden salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion, and oil & vinegar dressing).  I also had a piece of cheese three times, on three different days.  (I actually considered not telling you this - or saying it was only 2 times.  Then, I remembered we're keeping it real.)  It wasn't the salad that got me, it was the cheese.  And that, my friends, is the difference in losing 2 lbs. and losing 4lbs. on any given week.  It's that simple.


I sat there waiting for class to begin, thinking about the weight loss that could-have-been, and realized that I just have to buckle down.  I want to get to my goal weight as soon as possible so I can get back to eating food, not "product."  I was bummed, but had a renewed vigilance in my heart.


Class began.  Elizabeth, the PA in the office, began talking about emotional eating and food triggers.  All of what she said makes sense.  It's all correct.  And a few statements stood out even more than others.

Life changing idea #1:  Emotional hunger (not physical hunger) can't ever be satisfied.  You can eat and eat, and you'll still want more.  You will overstuff yourself, with all the wrong foods.  And when you eat for the wrong reasons, you'll never get full. 


I know this is true because I am absolutely an emotional eater.  Food is my drug of choice.  I have not made good decisions where food is concerned in the past, but now I'm aware, and doing better.  I remember very clearly having a fight with someone on the phone not that long ago, and immediately diving into the pantry, looking for something to distract me.  I can't do that again.  So - yay on that one, because now I know.


When feeling like eating due to emotional hunger, you can either confront the feeling, or distract yourself.  Confronting - or, talking out loud to myself about it - might make me look (more) crazy.  (I need no help in this area.)  So I'm going for distracting.  I'll find something to do that's like a reward to myself - some way of treating myself nice like a bubble bath, writing a blog post, or spending 30 minutes outside taking photos with my new kick-ass camera.  But I won't eat.


Life changing statement #2:  Food triggers are all around us.  Identify them, and kick them out.


Food triggers are those things that we always associate with food.  Movies = popcorn.  Birthdays = cake.  Baseball games = hotdogs and beer.  As Elizabeth talked about these triggers, and that many of them come from childhood, I began to feel less like a freak, and more like a person who has always been battling an issue I didn't even know I had.  Yay again for realizing!


In the past 3 weeks, I have dealt with many food trigger moments - these EXACT ones she described, in fact! - and done so with grace.  We saw Harry Potter 7.2 this past weekend... and I didn't have popcorn, even though everyone else did.  We decided not to go to a baseball game on 4th of July because I wasn't strong enough yet to say no to hotdogs and beer.  

Birthday cakes in particular are pure trigger.  We start out as babies, smushing sugary cake into our faces because it's cute.  The cakes go from traditional to ridiculous, and sometimes taste terrible - but it isn't a birthday without cake!  Even when we don't want to, we get a cake for people who don't need them.  It's amazing how much of a trigger this one is.


As I sat listening, and feeling like I eventually could modify my thinking about food, Elizabeth dropped the most life changing statement of all:


"You will never again be able to eat the way you did before this program."


Boo.  Big fat double boo.


There is a part of me that thought I could get to my goal weight, and go directly to Five Guys.  That thin people had it easy.  That it wouldn't be work.  I know this is bull, but there was a part of me that wanted it to be true.  But the fact is that Elizabeth is exactly right.  If I DO go back to the way I used to eat, I'll find myself again at this weight, and struggling with how to lose it.  And I'll pick up a side dish of diabetes and heart disease next time around for fun.  So, I have to rethink the importance and use of food in my life completely.  And this kind of change is not something I was thinking about, planning for, or ready to accept.  


Until today.

Because today, I realize that if we set up the right rules, my stepson won't ever build bad triggers that land him in a very restrictive diet program when he's just about to turn 39:

"No eating in the living room!" actually means "No TV-watching trigger!"  

"Skip the popcorn this time!" actually translates as "Have water or some carrot sticks at the movies instead!"  

In many ways, it seems we're predisposed - almost hard-wired - for some of these habits.  But that can change.  I am changing it.  For all of my family.

Do I wish I had lost more this week?  You betcha.  I'm now at 253 lbs., with 16 lbs. lost.  I wish it was more this week.


Boo.


Was today a success?  You betcha.  I'm now at 253 lbs., with 16 lbs. lost.  


Yay.