Weekly Weigh In #15: Diet demons

I'm not sure where I have been, but driving to my weigh-in today, I really noticed Autumn.  The trees around our house are ablaze with a million shades of red, orange, and yellow, and they look beautiful.  There are pumpkins everywhere, and Halloween is just days away.  I've been so busy with work, I haven't really brought out Halloween or fall decorations this year, so all of this autumnal stuff caught me off guard.  


At my weigh-in, I learned I've been calculating my weight loss from the wrong starting point.  I started at 269, not 268.  See, they round up if your starting weight is 268.8 - like me.  So, I was a little off in my calculations.

Today's weight:  220

Pounds lost this week:  2 lbs.

Total pounds lost:  49 lbs.

Once we finished the part on the scale, I waited to have my visit with Elizabeth, the kind and lovely PA in the doctor's office.  She is wonderful - a great source of inspiration and information.  She noticed that I looked like a paler, lousier version of myself today, but mentioned it gently and with caring.  I told her I wasn't feeling good, and through our talk, we deduced that it's not just a cold, but stress.  (I mostly already knew that.)  We moved on to talking about my food and diet, exercise, and the like.  Elizabeth asked about my hunger, my snacking, and my general process, and each time I answered, she smiled at me and said she was really proud of everything I'm achieving, especially at such a busy time in my life.  She also said I would be smart to go home after this, rest and get better before going back into the office - which I took to heart.

Lindsey and her parents, on MTV's show last night.

While driving home, I was no longer thinking about the pretty trees and falling leaves.  I mostly thought about stress and dieting.  See, I saw a show on MTV last night, called "I Used To Be Fat," and there was a wonderful young woman on the show, working to lose weight during the summer before she starts college.  A few big things happened that summer that were stressful for her, most notably her father taking her to look at an out-of-state school and leaving her there after an argument, with no way home.  This caused major stress for her, and affected her otherwise-successful weight loss and fitness goals.  


After talking to Elizabeth about stress today, I realized this was my fear, too.  Fear that the level of stress in our lives over the next 2-3 weeks will be at a level where I cannot effectively keep losing weight.  Fear that this will set me back.  Fear that this will somehow keep me from having the great results that motivate me so strongly.  Just plain fear.  Forget scary movies and eerie haunted houses - this kind of stuff is way scarier to me.

My fear is not without its foundation.  I often begin things I do not finish properly - including diets.  When I was a freshman in college, I was doing Jenny Craig very successfully.  That summer, I broke my neck in a car accident, and spent a lot of time getting well (which I am now), but it prevented me from finishing the "reducing" phase of that diet and transitioning into the "maintenance" phase.  Eventually, the weight loss I had worked hard to achieve was null and void, because I put it all back on before I could learn how to keep it off.  I have started Weight Watchers multiple times, never to reach my goal, and always to put the weight back on.  I've even ordered Tae Bo on TV, done it 6 times, and abandoned it before it could really become a habit.  All these diet demons swirl around me, silently, all the time - almost as if in claymation, courtesy of Tim Burton.


Here's the thing about my diet demons, though.  I have two options where they are concerned - realize they're there to help me, or allow them just to mock me.  I am choosing to think they're here now to help; to remind me that I need to approach this differently for it to work.


And, you know what?  I totally am.  I'm recognizing the stress afoot, and being extra conscientious about staying focused.  I'm blogging - and that keeps me aligned and accountable.  I'm staying away from tempting situations and making the best choices I can.  And, above all, I am NOT saying, "gee, I can't do the shakes right now, so how about I just see you in a month, doc?"  That's gotta be something.


In the end, my diet demons are a little bit like kids in scary costumes that have to trick-or-treat in the daytime:  you can totally see that they're only wearing masks made of plastic, and they're definitely not scary.  You just have to play along, give them candy, and quickly send them off to the next house.