Just another Saturday

Yesterday, I spent my Saturday like I always do.  I woke up early, relaxed a bit, and did some work to get ahead for the coming week.  Then, I went out for the afternoon to take care of some errands and meet up with friends.  No big deal, right?  Well, even the most average and usual of Saturdays is now filled with the unexpected.


I arrived at my massage place for my monthly massage, feeling a little stiff and eager to relax.  Massage for me isn't just a luxury - I broke my neck in a car accident at age 19, and although surgery has helped to keep me alive, it hurts every single day.  So, the massage helps to loosen up my muscles, work out the knots in my shoulders that never seem to disappear, and get me back into some alignment.  It also helps me take less medicine and combat cold weather with some more ease.  Being summer, I don't need as many massages - so it's been awhile since I've been there.

I climbed onto the table with ease - that's new.  I laid comfortably on my stomach with my face in the donut, and realized that the headrest didn't have to be as high up as usual... my stomach and chest isn't as large as it was 7 weeks ago.  I felt very different this time under the sheet - better.  Slimmer.  And honestly - less embarrassed.  It was a glorious, relaxing massage.  Halfway through, when the therapist says, "time to flip over!" I usually become nervous.  Have you ever tried to flip over under a sheet that someone's holding without flashing them or elbowing them in the jaw?  It's not easy - especially for fat people.  But this time, I was almost graceful about it.  Amazing.


After my massage, I ran some errands.  It was hotter now - and each time I slid in and out of the driver's seat, I realized how much easier it was to get in and out of the car.  The wheel used to be just barely touching my tummy when I sat down - now it's far away by inches.  I'm guessing that losing some weight in my stomach and backside is the reason.  I was more comfortable running errands in the heat because I was less enormous.  I was also wearing flip flops, instead of decent walking shoes, but felt no pain in my feet or legs at any point.  Wow.


I then went to Starbucks to relax for a bit before meeting my friends for some girl time.  I ordered a decaf iced coffee and sunk down into a large leather armchair.  And crossed my legs.  Again.  Without thinking.  (Who IS this person?)

I crossed the parking lot to the nail salon where I was meeting my 3 girlfriends for a little post-birthday pedicure time.  Amy saw me coming, and called out, "You look great!  I can really see how much weight you're losing."  I felt so good - I smiled and giggled like a teenage girl in the 70's who just met Leif Garrett.  We went inside, picked our colors, and sat down for our pedis, while my other friend, Eve, picked up a magazine.  One of the stories on the front alluded to what we thought would be a hilarious article.  It was all about "what sex feels like..." in different situations:  When you're old, when you're a virgin, when you come home from war... and the like.  One of the scenarios written about was "what sex feels like after you've lost 80 lbs."  I immediately went from thinking it'd be funny to actually being interested in what was written... so once Eve was done, I began reading. I was really touched by the writer's honesty that while her fiancee never had issues with her weight, she certainly did.  She wasn't comfortable being with him, and therefore did it infrequently.  Their physical relationship improved as she got healthier - but not because she was "more attractive"to him.  She became more attractive to herself, more confident, and more interested in being close to her spouse.  This is truly one of the perks to being in better shape - one that people don't discuss.  But it's real.


We left the salon and headed our separate ways:  one to spend time with her family, and two to the Grape Stomping festival nearby.  I considered the festival, but knew it would be all about wine and food that I can't eat, so I decided to pass.  I climbed into the car and called my husband to see if we needed anything on the way home.  While sitting there, I was very aware that my posture has even changed, and the way my body meets the seat along my backside and my lower back is even changing.  Without thinking about it too much, I finished my phone call and began to drive.  When I got home, I made my pudding, barely even noticing the pizza box on the counter that must have held the boys' dinner while I was gone.


Paul and I changed into our jammies, and settled in to watch a movie.  My hips were even farther away from the sides of my favorite chair now, and when I crossed my outstretched legs I could feel that they were thinner.  After our movie, we curled up into bed, and did our nightly New York Times Crossword Puzzle.  The smaller I get, the easier it is to practically melt into my husband while we fill in the words of the puzzle.  I no longer feel like I'm a massive wall of person laying next to him, but rather a more feminine creature who loves to be near her fella.  Considering I've never felt dainty a day in my life, I can say with gusto that I LOVE this feeling.


Did I want to cheat on my diet yesterday?  Yes.  Of course I did.  (Have you not seen the pastries at Starbucks?)


Did I actually do it?  Nope.  I didn't.  Because all of these wonderful little moments cannot happen if I indulge in old habits and bad foods.  And I'm enjoying these new feelings and realities far too much to give them up now.


So, all in all, just your typical Saturday in Northwest Arkansas.